We Hate Boob Implants

Last night The Girlfriend and I were doing some channel surfing and found

The Hooters International Swimsuit Pageant.

Of course we started watching it and a game developed that I call Find The Real Ones.

The game is simple:

As each girl says her name and where she's from and then walks down the catwalk, you decide if her boobs are real or fake. Hint: For those of you who aren't very good at telling the difference between real, God-given boobs and fake, doctor-given boobs, just say fake for all of them. You've got about a 90% chance of being right.

While watching 100 Hooters women parade up and down the catwalk in barely-there swimsuits, I realized something about myself: I hated these girls. But why? I didn't even know these girls and would likely never know them, but it was true... I hated them. Now that I've thought it over a bit, I've come to the conclusion that I hate fake things and these girls seemed completely fake; like they had all been spit out of a machine from a single mold and plopped onto the stage with swimsuits and different colored hair. But what bugged me the most?

The implants.

I don't care if boobs are a D-cup or an A-cup or anything in between;

I WANT THEM REAL

I love women. I love boobs. I don't love robots and bags of saline. I find myself getting angry just thinking of all the women who willingly cut their beautiful breasts open and shove bags of saline into them, thinking that this will make them more appealing. Maybe it does make them more appealing to men, but us lesbians? Nah. I think the majority of us like 'em real. Maybe it's because of our natural feminist instincts (yes, we've all got some feminism in us) or maybe it's our complete hatred of being put on display for a man's benefit... Or maybe it's something else, but lesbians don't like fake boobs.

There's just something gross and unnatural about an 80-year-old woman with perky boobs...

Point made.

Homage For My Lovely Logo

Do we love our new logo?

({i})

Of course we do! And we have my favorite homo to thank for it.:

Meet Wade.

Wade and I have known each other for years and he is the most fabulous of all the gay men I have ever met. It is because of him that we have our wonderful logo.

Thanks so much, Wade!

I never would have picked a logo without you.

♥

Rulebook Revision: V.2

Rule #1 - Never Date a Bisexual

Rule #1 - Beware Bisexuals

Rule #1 - Beware Biflexibles

?

If you're confused, it's okay. So am I.

So, it has been brought to my attention that I have been confusing bisexuality with bisexual tendencies - yes, there's a big difference - and now that this distinction has been made clear in my head, I realize that my bisexual rule was completely misguided. Well, other than the fact that bisexuality is confusing. ;) I'll still stand by that statement.

[For the record, I'm only talking about women here.]

Those that are bisexual are far more trustworthy and genuine than those that are "biflexible" or those that like to kiss a girl every now and then just for the novelty of it. Those who treat bisexuality like it's some cool, attention-grabbing bandwagon are the ones that shouldn't be trusted. At least not in any form of a relationship. The "bisexual because it's neat" girls use bisexuality for the attention and little more.

For all my lesbians out there:

Stay away from the biflexible if you're looking for a relationship. If you're looking for a single night of fun at a club or a bar, then go ahead. Just remember that the hot, straight-looking girl giving you The Look while holding her boyfriend's hand is NOT relationship material and will royally fuck your mind if you try to make her relationship material. Also, any kind of "fun" you may be willing to have with her for a night will likely have to be where at least someone can see her, so keep that in mind. As soon as you try getting her alone, she's likely to lose interest. It's not fun for her if no one knows about it.

Keep in mind that there is also a difference between biflexible and bicurious. Although the phrase "bicurious" can also be abused, it is generally a term used for those who are serious about their bisexuality but have never been with another girl before and just aren't sure. Beware of the setting and the way that a girl tells you that she's bicurious in order to determine if it's being used in the place of biflexible or if she's genuine.

If you're at a bar and there is a plethora of people watching and she leans in with her drink in her hand and her breath so strong you could get drunk from it and she's giving you The Look and then she yells loud enough for everyone to hear, "Yeah! I'm bicurious!" Well, you're probably looking at a biflexible.

Now if you're in a more quiet place with less people around and the girl seems a little scared or embarrassed and doesn't really want other people to hear her say that she's bicurious and she's giving you that [adorable] look that has "sweet and innocent" written all over it? She's probably genuine and a bit fragile in that moment, so be gentle and take her seriously.

That concludes my second Rulebook Revision.

I really hope everything is clear now.

xD

Rulebook Revision

Rule #1 - Never Date a Bisexual

is now

Rule #1 - Beware Bisexuals

Why the revision? Well, I realize that I was generalizing all bisexual women and discriminating against them, I guess. So let's clear things up:

Not all bisexual women are indecisive, walking mind-fucks. Some bisexual women are genuine and honest; they're just few and far between. So please, beware of bisexual women. Your competition is still doubled and I still stand by my previous statement:

A woman in a committed relationship with another woman who still calls herself bisexual is not in a committed relationship at all. She is essentially saying, "I'm leaving my options open."

So there you have it.

Rulebook revised.

Music & Art Festivals

Ladies. :]

So last night The Girlfriend and I went to this thing called First Friday here in Vegas with our Hetero-Male Roommate. At this event there are people seemingly randomly placed on the sidewalk playing all different kinds of music; drum circles, noise from an altered GameBoy, guitars (lots of guitars) and spoken word. There are also booths along a closed-off street where you can find artists selling their art; handmade handbags, paintings, drawings that glow in black light, jewelry, etc. If you take out the fact that it was still hot out between 8PM and 10PM when we were there and the fact that I had to work early the next morning, it was fun. I wish we could have spent a little more time at the booths because there were a couple artists whose work I really enjoyed, but that's not the point.

The point to the story is this:

Where have all these lesbians been hiding?!

I know that The Girlfriend and I rarely go out, so maybe there's lesbians all over the place all the time that we don't know about, but I honestly think that the music and art festival atmosphere pulled all the coupled-off dykes out of the holes they'd buried themselves into.

For some reason (and I'm guilty of this as well) when lesbians get into relationships, they fall right off the face of the LGBT planet. We find someone we want to be in a relationship with and then you never see our rainbow asses again. At least until Pride Month and art/music festivals. At these two given times you'll find lesbians seeping right out of the woodwork. Thought you knew about how many lesbians there were in your town/city? Go to Pride or a festival and think again.

But why? Why do we disappear when we couple-off? Is it because women are homebodies because of our "natural instinct to nest"? Does that mean that us lesbians that do couple-off and disappear are conforming to a gender-role stereotype?! Or are those couples that disappear just locked in the bedroom having amazing sex all the time and only a parade full of thousands of homosexuals and rainbows and glitter or an art/music festival can drag them out of their bed?

This is going to require some research. I can feel it.