LESBIAN RULES TO LIVE BY
I desperately wish that, when I stepped out of that closet, some
sassy gay man or badass lesbian had handed me a guidebook of
sorts. A nice little list even of just simple DOs and DON'Ts would
have saved me a lot of inconvenience in the early years of my being
out of the closet. So here I am, trying to give you what I never had.
I desperately wish that, when I stepped out of that closet, some
sassy gay man or badass lesbian had handed me a guidebook of
sorts. A nice little list even of just simple DOs and DON'Ts would
have saved me a lot of inconvenience in the early years of my being
out of the closet. So here I am, trying to give you what I never had.
THE LIFE SECTION
Rule #1: Beware The Biflexibles!
Bisexual girls still kiss girls when no one is watching. Biflexible girls only kiss girls if someone is there to see it. [See: Rulebook Revision V.2]Rule #2: Don't Use Your Sexuality For Its Shock Factor
Do you like it when people shove their opinions in your face? No? Then don't do it to other people. People who do this give the rest of the LGBT community a bad name.Rule #3: Do Not Expect To Be Immediately Accepted
It takes everyone time to get used to something new, especially something they were taught is morally wrong. Be patient. Be kind.Rule #4: Wash Your Hands. A Lot.
You know that puppy you played with before you hooked up with your girlfriend? Yeah... You don't want puppy all up in your lady's business parts.Rule #5: Stop Defining Yourself By Your Sexuality
Your sexuality is a part of you, not all of you.Rule #6: You Are Not Shane
Enough said.Rule #7: Choose Your Battles Wisely
Picking a fight with everyone who disagrees with the way you live your life will only exhaust you and make you seem like an asshole.
THE RELATIONSHIP SECTION
Rule #1: Don't Fight In Front Of Other People
Treat fighting like sex; Keep it out of the public eye. Fighting in front of others is nothing but inconsiderate towards - and awkward for - the unlucky souls that are present.
Rule #2: Keep The Past In The Past
Remember a couple weeks ago when your pretty lady forgot to do the dishes? It has nothing to do with whatever you're arguing about now.
Rule #3: Don't Snoop Unless You're Ready To Find
If you snoop, you will find. You will take something out of context, blow it out of proportion, and destroy your lady's trust in the process.
Rule #4: Do Not Recycle Girlfriends
Generally a Lesbo Herd consists mostly of paired off couples, and of course some of those couples are bound to break up. Where does the recycling come in? When someone else in the group snatches up one of the exes and claims her for her own. (See: Lesbo Herd)
Rule #5: U-Hauling Is Not An Appropriate Second Date
I don't know what it is about lesbians that makes them have the exact opposite of commitment issues, but even I've fallen victim to this one a few times. (See: U-Hauling)
