Nov 21, 2011

Roommates

http://livinginurletters.deviantart.com/

You know...
I've had some roommates in my day.
I've had ones that I dealt with, ones that I could stand, and ones that I loathed entirely.
Never have I had roommates that I adored the way I adore my roommates now.

Case In Point:
The other day Amy and I were sitting in her bedroom on the computer while the other roommates were in the living room when - very randomly - this conversation happens:

Roommates: "ANDREA!!"
Me: "WHAT?!"
Roommates: "Come here, we need your expert advice."
Me: "About what?"
Roommates: "Douches."
Me: "What about them?"
Roommates: "What is it?"
Me: "It's a bag of water that you squirt in your butthole or your vagina to clean it."
Roommates: "How does it work?"
Me: "You put the tip of it in your vagina or your butthole and you squeeze it, forcing the water into you."
Amy: "Unless you're a nasty bitch you shouldn't need to use one anyway."
Roommates: "Well if you don't have one then how do you clean your vagina? When you're in the shower do you just stick your fingers in there, or what?"
Me & Amy: "NO."
Amy: "Really, you shouldn't use douches anyway because they mess with the pH levels. Your body naturally keeps itself pretty clean. You shouldn't be fucking someone if they need to use a douche."
Roommates: "Can you use it as a sex toy?"
Me: "Depends on your fetish."
Roommates: "Oh."
Me: "Are we done now?"
Roommates: "Yeah, we're good."


I love my life!!
If this isn't the most ideal environment for me as the author of this blog, then I don't know what the hell is. I get stuff to write about almost every day!
Now I just need to stop being so damn lazy and actually post...
it's amy's fault blame her

Nov 9, 2011

Present!

My little homoettes!
I have been gone for so long!
I have missed you so!

http://devanndesousa.deviantart.com/

I've published an old draft post that's been sitting in the backroom of my blog for quite some time now in hopes that it will hold you over until the next time I can post. I love you guys! Please excuse my absence. A lot of crazy shit has been going down and I'm currently in the process of an entire life upheaval. Want an update? Of course you do.

 
1. I'm single now. ;) Hey, ladies.
2. I'm moving a good 6-hours away from where I was living.
3. I'm currently staying with my parents for a couple more days.
Okay, so maybe that isn't that much crazy stuff, but those few things have got a lot of crazy in them. So please, if you could, forgive me for being gone so long?

 
http://hakukamizaki.deviantart.com/

 
So, I'm going to be living with my wonderful les-b-friend up in Salt Lake City, UT and her hetero-male roommate. From what I've been told, they have a constant competition going called "Man Points" where you get points for doing manly things. There's a score-board and everything. I am hoping that, once I've settled in, I will have plenty of material for the blog. I mean, come on. I'm single, I'm about to move in with a lesbian and a straight man, and I'm going to be meeting lots of new people and exploring lots of new places - coffee shops, dog parks - and, assuming that all goes according to plan, I will be going to school. Hello college campus ladies. ^.^

 
Anyway!
I don't really have much for you today, unfortunately.
However, if you ever need to crush a lesbian:
Show her Humane Society commercials.
That shit is lesbian kryptonite!

Pop Quiz!

Alright, ladies; no cheating!
Here goes:


Which picture is of a lesbian?

1)

2)

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Answer:
Trick question!

Both pictures are of the same woman.
[and i have no way of knowing if she is a lesbian or not]

Story Time:
So today I (finally!) went to get my hair cut. While I was waiting I picked up one of those hair books that is the only provided reading and was looking through the pictures when I realized something; all the short haircuts on display "this season" are totally lesbian haircuts. Apparently the lesbian "look" is in style and I can't help but worry if this is going to make our fellow lady-homos harder to spot than they already are.

I swear, we all need to just choose a bandana color and always have that color bandana on our person when we go out. Better yet, make it a rainbow bandana.

Sep 16, 2011

Vegas' First Ever Dyke March!

I've already talked extensively about us lesbians and how we couple-up and fall off the face of the planet. We all know that this makes it damn near impossible to know just how many lesbians are actually out there. Where the hell do all of our fellow lady-lovin'-ladies go? Well, wherever they go, they're coming back out for this:

www.shedonismvegas.com/las-vegas-pride-dyke-march/
I'm about to find out just how many Vegas lesbians there really are, and you know what?
I'M EXCITED!

I know I was already really excited about PRIDE in general, but this... Oh, this is a whole different chapter right here. These are my ladies; my people, if you will. These are other women who love women and they're going to march down 4th Street and I'm going to join them and there will be so much estrogen and holycrapi'msoexcited!!!

...I promise I'll have myself pulled together by then.

This should be an amazing opportunity to promote ThingsLesbiansDo and to become a part of history. I mean, come on... It's Vegas' first EVER Dyke March. The first Dyke March will never happen here again and here I am with absolutely nothing more exciting to do for the day.

So. Damn. Excited.

Aug 22, 2011

Yay! Camping!

Hey ladies!


I know I've kind of been gone for a while, but I've been busy with work and The Girlfriend and I totally went on an awesome camping trip where I obviously had no internet access. Real camping has no cell phone service at all. No connection to the rest of the human race.

That just reminded me:
Us Lesbians Love Camping!
Okay, so maybe it's the more butch end of the lady-homo spectrum that are more into camping, but still! I'm not sure if it's our feminism showing and our subconscious (or not) need to prove our ability to survive (and thrive, damnit!) without the opposite sex or if it's just something about the outdoors that appeals to us, but camping is where it's at for us butchier (and a few of the more lady-like) lesbos.

Also, the other day I saw another biscuit bumper in Wal-Mart and could. not. stop. staring. After admitting this to The Girlfriend and having her laugh at me, I realized that I have become such the stereotypical lesbian homebody that I revert into my baby-dyke-ness whenever I'm in a public situation. I completely forget how to be when there are other lesbians present.

What has happened to me?!

The Girlfriend and I have spent way too much time away from the rest of our kind and it is showing. If the lesbian I was staring at in Wal-Mart ever reads this: I'm sorry I was so awkward! I'm not really a baby-dyke, though I know I looked like one... I've been out and proud since I was like 13-years-old (2003). Please forgive my dumb-struck expression of complete awe... I sort of forget that other lesbians exist... >.>

Moving on.

LAS VEGAS PRIDE IS ONLY THREE AND A HALF WEEKS AWAY!

All of us Vegas homos can finally come out of hiding, take off the majority of our clothes, cover our skin in glitter and prance about among each other while we get drunk, watch drag queens doing Cher songs better than she ever did, get all the free rainbow condoms we could possibly want and just enjoy the general feel of enthusiasm and community.

More importantly, though:
I FINALLY GET TO BE AROUND OTHER GAYS!

Where they will welcome me with open arms and ass-less chaps and bull dykes on Harleys.

I know that us homos get a lot of shit for how eccentric we get at PRIDE events and I know that I've also voiced my negative opinion about how that eccentricity makes us look to the rest of the world, but damnit, right now I miss it.

So, Las Vegas PRIDE.
September 16th & 17th
The parade is the 16th and the festival is the 17th.

Be there?

Aug 19, 2011

FCKH8!

Finally here! Don't be hatin' on the homos.



posted from samsung continuum

Random Work Thought

I've noticed that people seem to think that all lesbians are really confident. This, of course, is not true. So why are we percieved that way?

Is it just because we're awesome? Or is it simply because we're "out and proud?"

I don't know about the rest of us lesbians, but I, for one, am far from confident. I'm insecure and emotional abd very sensitive, but most would never guess it. I can't be the only lesbian who fakes confidence in the hopes that it will fend off the haters. Or maybe I am...

In any case, I think lesbians (and homos in general) are seen as confident because we are out of the closet and many of us are prepared for an attack, therefor we always seem to have this "I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it" attitude about us at all times.

So just to set the record straight (or gay as the case may be) not all of us homos are confident, but we are still not the people you want to mess with.

Also: I'M TOTALLY POSTING THIS FROM MY AWESOME NEW SMART PHONE AND I LOVE IT! :D

Jul 23, 2011

We Hate Boob Implants

Last night The Girlfriend and I were doing some channel surfing and found
Of course we started watching it and a game developed that I call Find The Real Ones.

The game is simple:
As each girl says her name and where she's from and then walks down the catwalk, you decide if her boobs are real or fake. Hint: For those of you who aren't very good at telling the difference between real, God-given boobs and fake, doctor-given boobs, just say fake for all of them. You've got about a 90% chance of being right.

While watching 100 Hooters women parade up and down the catwalk in barely-there swimsuits, I realized something about myself: I hated these girls. But why? I didn't even know these girls and would likely never know them, but it was true... I hated them. Now that I've thought it over a bit, I've come to the conclusion that I hate fake things and these girls seemed completely fake; like they had all been spit out of a machine from a single mold and plopped onto the stage with swimsuits and different colored hair. But what bugged me the most?

The implants.
I don't care if boobs are a D-cup or an A-cup or anything in between;
I WANT THEM REAL

I love women. I love boobs. I don't love robots and bags of saline. I find myself getting angry just thinking of all the women who willingly cut their beautiful breasts open and shove bags of saline into them, thinking that this will make them more appealing. Maybe it does make them more appealing to men, but us lesbians? Nah. I think the majority of us like 'em real. Maybe it's because of our natural feminist instincts (yes, we've all got some feminism in us) or maybe it's our complete hatred of being put on display for a man's benefit... Or maybe it's something else, but lesbians don't like fake boobs.

There's just something gross and unnatural about an 80-year-old woman with perky boobs...

Point made.

Jul 20, 2011

Homage For My Lovely Logo

Do we love our new logo?
({i})
Of course we do! And we have my favorite homo to thank for it.:

Meet Wade.

Wade and I have known each other for years and he is the most fabulous of all the gay men I have ever met. It is because of him that we have our wonderful logo.

Thanks so much, Wade!
I never would have picked a logo without you.

Jul 12, 2011

Rulebook Revision: V.2

Rule #1 - Never Date a Bisexual
Rule #1 - Beware Bisexuals
Rule #1 - Beware Biflexibles
?
If you're confused, it's okay. So am I.

So, it has been brought to my attention that I have been confusing bisexuality with bisexual tendencies - yes, there's a big difference - and now that this distinction has been made clear in my head, I realize that my bisexual rule was completely misguided. Well, other than the fact that bisexuality is confusing. ;) I'll still stand by that statement.

[For the record, I'm only talking about women here.]
Those that are bisexual are far more trustworthy and genuine than those that are "biflexible" or those that like to kiss a girl every now and then just for the novelty of it. Those who treat bisexuality like it's some cool, attention-grabbing bandwagon are the ones that shouldn't be trusted. At least not in any form of a relationship. The "bisexual because it's neat" girls use bisexuality for the attention and little more.

For all my lesbians out there:
Stay away from the biflexible if you're looking for a relationship. If you're looking for a single night of fun at a club or a bar, then go ahead. Just remember that the hot, straight-looking girl giving you The Look while holding her boyfriend's hand is NOT relationship material and will royally fuck your mind if you try to make her relationship material. Also, any kind of "fun" you may be willing to have with her for a night will likely have to be where at least someone can see her, so keep that in mind. As soon as you try getting her alone, she's likely to lose interest. It's not fun for her if no one knows about it.

Keep in mind that there is also a difference between biflexible and bicurious. Although the phrase "bicurious" can also be abused, it is generally a term used for those who are serious about their bisexuality but have never been with another girl before and just aren't sure. Beware of the setting and the way that a girl tells you that she's bicurious in order to determine if it's being used in the place of biflexible or if she's genuine.

If you're at a bar and there is a plethora of people watching and she leans in with her drink in her hand and her breath so strong you could get drunk from it and she's giving you The Look and then she yells loud enough for everyone to hear, "Yeah! I'm bicurious!" Well, you're probably looking at a biflexible.

Now if you're in a more quiet place with less people around and the girl seems a little scared or embarrassed and doesn't really want other people to hear her say that she's bicurious and she's giving you that [adorable] look that has "sweet and innocent" written all over it? She's probably genuine and a bit fragile in that moment, so be gentle and take her seriously.

That concludes my second Rulebook Revision.
I really hope everything is clear now.
xD

Jul 4, 2011

Rulebook Revision

Rule #1 - Never Date a Bisexual

is now

Rule #1 - Beware Bisexuals

Why the revision? Well, I realize that I was generalizing all bisexual women and discriminating against them, I guess. So let's clear things up:

Not all bisexual women are indecisive, walking mind-fucks. Some bisexual women are genuine and honest; they're just few and far between. So please, beware of bisexual women. Your competition is still doubled and I still stand by my previous statement:

A woman in a committed relationship with another woman who still calls herself bisexual is not in a committed relationship at all. She is essentially saying, "I'm leaving my options open."

So there you have it.
Rulebook revised.

Jul 2, 2011

Music & Art Festivals

Ladies. :]

So last night The Girlfriend and I went to this thing called First Friday here in Vegas with our Hetero-Male Roommate. At this event there are people seemingly randomly placed on the sidewalk playing all different kinds of music; drum circles, noise from an altered GameBoy, guitars (lots of guitars) and spoken word. There are also booths along a closed-off street where you can find artists selling their art; handmade handbags, paintings, drawings that glow in black light, jewelry, etc. If you take out the fact that it was still hot out between 8PM and 10PM when we were there and the fact that I had to work early the next morning, it was fun. I wish we could have spent a little more time at the booths because there were a couple artists whose work I really enjoyed, but that's not the point.

The point to the story is this:
Where have all these lesbians been hiding?!

I know that The Girlfriend and I rarely go out, so maybe there's lesbians all over the place all the time that we don't know about, but I honestly think that the music and art festival atmosphere pulled all the coupled-off dykes out of the holes they'd buried themselves into.

For some reason (and I'm guilty of this as well) when lesbians get into relationships, they fall right off the face of the LGBT planet. We find someone we want to be in a relationship with and then you never see our rainbow asses again. At least until Pride Month and art/music festivals. At these two given times you'll find lesbians seeping right out of the woodwork. Thought you knew about how many lesbians there were in your town/city? Go to Pride or a festival and think again.

But why? Why do we disappear when we couple-off? Is it because women are homebodies because of our "natural instinct to nest"? Does that mean that us lesbians that do couple-off and disappear are conforming to a gender-role stereotype?! Or are those couples that disappear just locked in the bedroom having amazing sex all the time and only a parade full of thousands of homosexuals and rainbows and glitter or an art/music festival can drag them out of their bed?

This is going to require some research. I can feel it.

Jun 30, 2011

Equality in New York!

I know it's a little late and everyone has probably already celebrated, but...

NEW YORK HAS OFFICIALLY LEGALIZED GAY MARRIAGE!!

This is huge for us lesbians (and the rest of the LGBT community, of course)! The battle for marriage equality has finally regained traction! And what a shock, too... The New York victory was the first time that a Republican majority legislature has passed anything like this and adding New York more than doubled the number of Americans living in marriage equality states.

What exactly does this mean for me?

This means that I am one step closer to being treated as an equal human being, because as much as people like to argue that we are "equal but separate," that's bullshit. Everyone knows that "separate but equal" is not equal at all and doesn't work; we've proved that already in America's not-so-distant history with the civil rights struggle between '50 and '80. I know that the gay rights movement may not be as violent and the persecuted in our generation weren't once treated as slaves, but the gay rights movement is also a civil rights movement. All we want are the same, basic civil rights that the rest of the country enjoys. We want the same fucked up chances of making a marriage work. And if I hear one more person trying to use the slippery slope argument, I'm gonna puke on them.

"If we let gays get married, then we'll have to let pedophiles marry children! We'll have to let polygamy become legal! We'll have to let people marry their pets!"

The slippery slope is both ridiculous and can go the other way:
If we don't let gays get married, then we'll have to keep different races from marrying each other. Eventually, to make everyone equal, we'll just have to outlaw marriage all together!
See the ridiculousness?

Anyway:
HOORAY FOR NEW YORK!

You've reignited the fight for equality.

Jun 14, 2011

Curve: The Best-Selling Lesbian Magazine

I just paid for my first magazine subscription, ladies.
And it was a lesbian magazine.
Total win if you ask me.

Curve® is the only magazine in the USofA that I know of that is written specifically for lesbians, and you know what? I'm so excited to read it!

That's it, really... Not much of a post, I know.
Forgive me!

Jun 11, 2011

The Real L Word

Last night I watched my first episode of
with The Girlfriend.

I feel like a terrible lesbian for never having seen it before...
A bunch of real lesbians going through real lesbian things?
Really hot women that love women?
Drama?
How could I not have watched this before?!

Anyway!
Today (at work, as usual) I was thinking about things lesbians do, and you know what I realized? Lesbians kick the shit out of reality TV.
We have got to be the most dramatic minority group ever.
Why hadn't anyone made a reality TV show out of us sooner?

Needless to say...
I'm ready to watch every single episode of The Real L Word the moment they each air.

Are you a lesbian that's never watched it before?
Shame on you.
Watch it.
Love it.
Become addicted.

Jun 9, 2011

Random Work Thought

Today I got back to work after having five days off...
Needless to say, it wasn't what I wanted to be doing.
However, while I'm at work, my mind often wanders.
Today it wandered to lands of relevance to the blog!

So while I was making a stupid bed at the stupid hotel,
I started thinking about Ellen.
I think every lesbian randomly thinks of Ellen at some point
during the day... Right?
Anyway, I was thinking about Ellen and remembered that
I had heard she cheated on Portia.
I don't know if this is true or not and I somehow doubt it,
but I was thinking,
"Who the hell would cheat on that beautiful woman?!"

Then it hit me...

The general female population doesn't cheat because
their significant other isn't attractive enough or doesn't
put out enough...
They cheat because of the emotions involved in the relationship.
Suddenly, at this seemingly random moment in time,
I had figured out why lesbians cheat so damn much.

Because two emotionally charged women in a single
relationship are bound to have their emotions... Wander.

Not only do women cheat because of their emotions,
but they cheat emotionally the majority of the time.
It's just not about the sex for us ladies.

Don't get me wrong, women love sex as much as,
if not more than, men do.
We just don't build relationships on it.

That's it.
There's not really a point.

Kbai!

Jun 2, 2011

The 5 Deadly Phrases

Well hello there.
I'm blogging from bed again tonight,
but this post needed to be done while I was still
inspired to do it.
:]

What are we talking about?
The 5 Deadly Phrases!
What are The 5 Deadly Phrases?
I'll tell you:

"Fine."
"Fine," is what she uses at the end of an argument when
she knows she's right and you're wrong. At this point, it's
time to just shut up.

"Nothing."
"Nothing," always means "Something," and you should be worried.

"Go ahead."
"Go ahead," is a dare. Not permission.
Don't do it.

"Whatever."
"Whatever," is what she says when she's thinking "Fuck you."

"I don't care."
"I don't care," actually means "I care," and that she is thinking
long and hard about how and when you will be paying for this.

It's amazing to me sometimes that us lesbians can be so
oblivious to the language of a woman.
(And believe me; it is its own language.)
I mean, come on...
We're women who date women.
You think we'd know all there is to know!
And while I still hold true to thinking that lesbians are the
best people to ask for girl advice, sometimes we have nothing
better to say than, "I don't know."

One more article of evidence that women are complicated,
complicated, complicated beings.

May 31, 2011

Rulebook Installation #12

Hello again!
I just want everyone to know that the blog's face-lift has
turned into one hell of a project.
But don't worry!
I'm determined.
Every day it gets closer and closer to being finished.
But for now, please excuse the incomplete feeling
and the "COMING SOON!" in various places.

Now, let's get down to business.
Rulebook Installation #12!
U-Hauling is NOT an appropriate second date.

I don't know what it is with lesbians and wanting to move
in with each other immediately, but even I am guilty of
this one, ladies. It's almost like we invite the cute girl from
the library over to have coffee and talk about books and
BAM!
She becomes a permanent fixture in the house.

The problem with this?
She's not nearly as permanent as we believe her to be.

Moving someone into your personal space right after meeting
them isn't a good idea for anyone, let alone two emotionally
charged women who have no idea what each other is really like.

And there you have it.
Take your newest lady interest out for coffee or something
for your second date and don't bring a U-Haul with you.

May 29, 2011

Rulebook Installation #11

Well Hello!
How has everyone been?
Good?
Good.

So I was just lying here in bed
glancing over past posts here on Things Lesbians Do
and I realized that there are many more than
just 10 Lesbian Rules to Live By.

Many more.

I've decided that I will add installments of said rules
as they come up and combine them into
a sort of rulebook here.

Don't worry, I'll make a nice little tab at the top for you.

So without further delay...
Rulebook Installation #11
Do NOT Recycle Girlfriends

This is a problem that is more than just common when
you have a group of lesbians that are all friends,
this is a problem that is damn-near universal
in every group of lesbians that are all friends.

Generally a group of lesbian friends are mostly paired
off into couples, and of course some of those couples are
bound to break up. Where does the recycling come in?
When someone else in the group of friends snatches up
one of the exes from said break up and claims her for
their own.

Listen, ladies...
This is bad.
Lesbians are known for their mass amounts of drama,
but I do believe that it's safe to say Girlfriend Recycling
is one of the major causes of the Lesbian Drama.

I don't know what it is about lesbians, but we all seem to
not only make commitments very quickly and without
thinking them through
(see: U-Hauling)
but we also cycle through said commitments very quickly.
Lesbo Herds who suffer from Girlfriend Recycling basically
then get to pick one of two fates:
Complete shattering of the group
or
Becoming a weird little incestuous, we-share-everything! kind
of lesbian family.

Neither fate is really all that appealing.
Well, at least not for very long.
>.>

Apr 14, 2011

I ♥ Boobies!

Hello there, fellow bumpers!
Today we're talking about lesbians and those cute little breast cancer awareness bracelets.

They come in many different colors and they support a cause.
Not just any cause, but a cause that all lesbians should and do get behind.
Of course we love boobies!
So of course we love these bracelets!
There's also bumper stickers, t-shirts and all kinds of miscellaneous paraphernalia.
Why is this important to lesbians?
When wearing one of these bracelets or sporting a bumper sticker,
it very plainly states:
"I love boobs."

Is there any better way to support a cause and announce your sexual preference,
but only for those who know what to look for?
Let's be honest here:
Lesbians love causes almost as much as they love boobs.
This "I ♥ Boobies!" campaign appeals almost more to the lesbian community
than to only those who have direct experiences with breast cancer.

I ♥ Boobies!
You ♥ Boobies!
We all ♥ causes!

If you haven't already,
go out and buy a bracelet.
SUPPORT BOOBS!

Also:
Please excuse my absence.
Training for work started Tue & Wed
And it starts back up again this Mon
Mon - Fri: 9AM - 5PM
I'll be busy, but I won't forget you!
I promise. ♥

Apr 2, 2011

Types of Lesbians

[[ MYTH: All lesbians are the same. ]]

I hope no one out there actually thought that all lesbians are the same, because oh how wrong you would be. Think about it... We're women who date other women. How could you ever expect things to be simple?

Now, let's dive right in here. Keep in mind that these are all very general and there are still many variations of the types I have listed here, but I'm trying to keep you from getting completely lost right off the bat. There will be plenty of time for me to get into the little off-shoots of each of these types. You may fit well into one of these types, you may fit well into a few of these types, or you may not fit into any of them. That's all well and good, I promise. Every single person is different, and every single lesbian is different as well. Here we go.

BUTCH

Butch lesbians are lesbians who sport mainly "masculine" characteristics. A butch lesbian has short hair, baggy clothes, no makeup and an overall low-maintenance appearance. Most people think of images like the one above when they think of lesbians. Butch lesbians are often very sporty and enjoy team sports such as football, baseball, softball and soccer.

SOFT-BUTCH/CHAPSTICK
Soft-butch or chapstick lesbians are lesbians who still show "feminine" characteristics but dress in a much more androgynous style. Their hair is often short to medium length and messy. They may wear makeup but generally very little and they are seen most often in jeans and a t-shirt. A soft-butch or chapstick lesbian's idea of dressing up is generally a button-up collared shirt and a loose tie.

FEMME/LIPSTICK
Femme or lipstick lesbians are lesbians who simply ooze "feminine" characteristics and style. They like makeup, jewelry, pretty dresses and shoes. Femme or lipstick lesbians usually have medium to long hair and are often the more high-maintenance types of lesbians. They dislike getting dirty or going out in public without getting ready.



BOI
A boi is a type of lesbian who acts and dresses in a "masculine" fashion, throwing most - if not all - "feminine" characteristics out the door. Boi lesbians are the ones that, when you see them on the street, you often turn to a friend and whisper, "Is that a girl or a boy?" The correct answer to that question: "It's a boi."

POWER DYKE/SUIT
A power dyke or suit lesbian is a lesbian in a position of power. They are often wearing dress suits or women's pant suits and are generally very dominant and a no-nonsense type of woman. Their hair may be long, medium or short but is always very clean and professional; as is the rest of their appearance.

DIESEL DYKE
A diesel dyke is a lesbian who is often heavy-set and very "masculine" in personality and appearance. Many members of the Dykes On Bikes section of any gay pride parade are diesel dykes. They generally hold jobs such as truck driver, bus driver, mechanic, etc.

SPORT DYKE
A sport dyke is a lesbian who plays sports but is still rather "feminine." Their hair is often a long or medium length and is styled in a way that keeps it out of their face. The sports that a sport dyke usually plays are non-team sports such as tennis and track. Their style is often a low maintenance one but do not assume that they are low maintenance people; they are not. A sport dyke is usually militant about staying fit, monitoring their diet and exercising on a regular basis.


INCOGNITO LESBIAN
An incognito lesbian is a lesbian that you absolutely do not believe is actually a lesbian until... Well, until she proves it. (Example: Portia De Rossi - pictured above) Even when an incognito lesbian has a really gay backdrop, such as being at a gay bar or a gay pride event, you still assume that she is a straight girl who was dragged there by her gay friends because she just does not look gay. The difference between an incognito and a lipstick lesbian is that you can still tell that a lipstick is gay when you look at her.

BABY DYKE
A baby dyke is a lesbian that is young and/or has just come out of the closet. Baby dykes are usually a mod-podge of many different previously listed types of lesbian as they are just beginning to explore their lesbian selves. They can be spotted by the amount of gay pride paraphernalia they are wearing, which is generally an excessive amount.

L.U.G. - LESBIAN UNTIL GRADUATION
A L.U.G. (Lesbian Until Graduation) is a woman who expresses great interest in women while in college but then ends up marrying a man once out of college. L.U.G.s are often feminists in college as well and may or may not grow out of it after college.

BIEBIAN
A Biebian is a lesbian who looks like Justin Bieber.

KRISBIAN

A Krisbian is a woman who is only gay for Kristen Stewart and is otherwise straight.


HASBIAN
A hasbian is a woman who was once a lesbian but now expresses interest in men. This could be a switch from lesbian to straight or from lesbian to bisexual. It can be safely assumed that a hasbian was never really a lesbian at all. Bisexual maybe, but not a lesbian.

GOLD STAR
A gold star lesbian is a lesbian who has never been with a man.

LONE STAR
A lone star lesbian is a lesbian who has only been with one woman and no men.

STONE BUTCH
A stone butch lesbian is a lesbian who only gives sexual pleasure and does not allow her partner to reciprocate.

PILLOW QUEEN
A pillow queen lesbian is a lesbian who only receives sexual pleasure and does not reciprocate for her partner.

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There you have it. A nice, neat little guide to the basic types of lesbians. Of course not all lesbians will fit neatly in only one of these types. Each of us is different and many of us are a mixture of two or more of these types, but if you were to try lumping all of us into categories, these would be the basic ones to use.

Where do you fit?